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Duganafi Gaenana Falaeh: Just pants..
Monday, 05 July 2010 00:34
In this edition of Duganafi Gaenana Falaeh, Mr Peters harps on England’s World Cup nadir and the consequences it unfurled, Rooney’s ‘sixth
sense,’ lauds the Black Stars, misses a Japanese player, on name pronunciations, a positive outlook for England’s 2018 bid, the economy plummeting thanks to events that infamous Sunday afternoon, advises PM David Cameron, tells off Cameroon, another barmy sighting of a prophet, reflects on photos of his dad, Lang Tombong Tamba-gate, Liverpool’s new boss, lauds a top-drawer Gambian retiree and… a top model’s bald patch.Just pants...
It was barbeque weather on Sunday 26th June. Families were on the grill, flipping burgers and chicken wings in their back gardens. Everyone was in a jovial mood and I couldn’t help but get caught up in it. In fact, I was so caught up in it I was hoping Mexico knock off Argentina so a shoo-in to the semis is all but dusted. At that time, it was England’s finest versus some young blooded team from Germany. The media continuously preached that experience would take us through and we, to quote them lot across The Pond, ran with it.
Barbeque weather alright but no one told us England’s finest were the ones in for a roasting.
I sat dumbstruck as Germany routed England 4-1. Never before had the Three Lions defended like a Hackney Marshes team. No wonder BBC pundit Alan Hansen remarked that the back four defended like they never seen each other. When I stepped out after the game, you could hear a pin drop if you listened hard. The silence was that deafening.
I did make it to my reverend’s celebration service where we all pretended we never saw the mauling on the telly. I could see don’t-go-there signs in people’s eyes as we had tea and cakes.
Then Fleet Street’s finest took over, dissecting the nation’s heaviest defeat in a major tournament. The players weren’t good enough and they would struggle against a decent side, someone wrote. Even Alan Shearer sarcastically pointed out we had spared ourselves the trouble of facing Messi and co. Fabio Capello was urged to walk away from his £6m per year salary having overseen the shambles in Bloemfontein. The FA, looking at a £12m payout having signed the Italian for two more years before the World Cup, issued a report that it will let Capello know if his job was safe or not in two weeks time.
All the media outlets homed in on the players who simply turned up but didn’t play against the Germans. The Sun’s Steven Howard sums it up best when he wrote ‘…a customs officer might also point out their passports need updating since in the space marked occupation were the words: ‘professional footballer.’’
He pointed out that England has tried with all kinds of manager from modern tactician Glenn Hoddle, to cuddly Kevin Keegan, to soft Sven to parade ground drill sergeant Fabio Capello and they all ended up beating their heads against a wall.
The problem though, was hatched at home and not at the Free State Stadium. Of the 626 player who featured in the Premier League last season, just 255 were actually English, which tells you what the future holds for English football.
I have always maintained this current squad won’t win anything in an England shirt and I don’t think the next one coming through will either.
At this rate, England is looking poised to do a ‘South Africa’: host the World Cup in 2018 (if we win the bid) but stumble at the group stages.
At this rate, I will take a successful bid over anything else.
Sunday’s German grilling clearly spelt out what Rooney, Terry and them lot in an England top are what we always know they are: Premiership players and not what we always think they are: global super stars.
To quote The Sun’s Monday headline, ‘You Have Let Your Country Down.’
Can Rooney see around corners?
If he calls time on his playing career, perhaps Wayne Rooney could do worse than be a palm reader. I only say this as the gallant Man United striker and England top notch flop booked his holiday to Barbados last Friday, 25th June (two days before England played Germany) for Wednesday, the 30th June, three days after England had played Germany. He either knew England would have no further interest in South Africa after Sunday or God spent more time on him than he did us. Or both.
His management tried to come up with some claptrap that was so frail a toddler would have seen right through it. They said the star has made ‘contingency plans,’ allowing him to go abroad at different stages of the tournament. People never tend to speak straight when they are lying through their teeth. They put up words e.g. ‘contingency plans’ that mean nothing and take refuge behind it. I know; I have done it before.
So, we are to believe Rooney would go up to Capello and be like, ‘Sir, we playing Argentina this weekend in the quarterfinal but I fancy a cruise to the Bahamas along with Coleen. You know, just to chill and stuff. Whaddaya say?’
I don’t mind being lied to but do it in so artistic a way I won’t sniff it out.
They were Ghana make us proud…
Last time I was this devastated after a football game was in 2008 in the Champions League final between Chelsea and them lot up north. A score and win-the-Champions- League-penalty would have landed us Europe’s top football prize was sent wide by John Terry.
Two years, I watched in disbelief as a last minute extra time penalty rattled against the bar that, if netted, would have sent Ghana in the last four. A whole continent, from Cape Town to Cairo, Banjul to Addis Ababa were willing that penalty to hit the mark.
The football gods, or, rather the penalty gods, were on holidays.
Studies have proved that whoever wins the toss for the first kick wins a shoot out. Case in point, Paraguay won the toss against Japan and I surrendered to the studies on Friday evening.
I can only take consolation from Ghana-born ex-French skipper Marcel Desailly when he said: ‘Ghana football has shown it has a future.’ The team is young and I fancy them to get to Brazil 2014 and pull up more trees.
If only Asamoah Gyan had lowered that spot kick an inch more…
If only John Terry has not slipped as he took that penalty…
The only consolation I have is the Dutch are in the semis after tearing up the script and sending Brazil home.
I fancy them to take the trophy back to Amsterdam.
To quote a once-dreadlocked Dutch legend, Ruud Gullit, ‘if it ain’t much, it ain’t Dutch.’
So long, ‘toaf toaf’
I made sure I followed all the highlights of the Japan games religiously. No, I’m not a fan, thank you very much. It is just hilarious to hear a name like Honda on a football pitch. You half expect to see one whiz through from the tunnel and upend a few unfortunate poor souls.
Get it right, please!
On a serious note, if you in the UK and been following the World Cup, Ghana’s top scorer’s name is not pronounced Jan as the commentators want you to believe. The guy’s last name is Gyan, pronounced Guyan. Sit back and picture how they would have pronounced Njie…
Nil Sati Nisi Optimum
If I remember well, the above is Latin for ‘always look to the bright side of life.’
Something England fans have been turning to in droves this week.
I only remember as these very words are stitched on the crest of Everton FC, a club I use to, ahem, support when I was young and dumb. Extremely dumb at that. Actually, my favourite player of all time, Daniel Amokachi, was once a Toffee so I can be excused.
A FIFA source was quoted as saying: ‘England fans have been on their best behaviour and caused no trouble at all. That can only bode well for their bid to host the 2018 tournament.’
I don’t know for you all but I’m, quoting the Yanks again, running with it. I’m zooming in on it like this is FIFA’s way of making up to England after that goal-that-was-but-was-never-given.
Fingers crossed.
Another blow to the economy…
England’s World Cup exit, says the media, is going to cost the economy £1bn. According to the Centre for Economics and Business Research, every England game would have generated around £400m. With three games that would have taken England to the final, that is £1.2bn, says my calculator.
The upside about England’s exit would be the upping of work productivity as less sickies will be taken.
Got me thinking, if three games can boost up the economy like that, are we really in a recession?
Courting a longer break
Maybe David Cameron should do a ‘Goodluck Jonathan.’ The Nigerian president, on the back of his country’s poor showing at the World Cup, has suspended all international football participation for two years so as to reorganise Nigerian football.
It could turn out to be longer than that. One of FIFA’s rules is national associations can be expelled if governments are seen to be interfering with the way they operate. Indeed, FIFA has written to the Nigerian Football Association (NFA) indicating that the federal government has until Monday 6pm to cancel its decision to ban Nigeria from all FIFA and CAF tournaments for two years. President Goodluck Jonathan, (what were his parents thinking with a name like that?), at the time of writing, has yet to comply. Maybe he is waiting it out and it could blow over.
David Cameron should take an interest, see if FIFA would let it slide and, you know.
Get a grip, Defeatable Lions!
I have always thought only the English play the anyone-but-us blame game.
Then I read of Cameroon blaming Senegal for their World Cup exit and I reckon they are just ‘going English.’
An Italian-based Senegalese woman was accused of unsettling skipper Samuel Eto’o by accusing him of getting her pregnant.
A Cameroonian was quoted as saying: ‘In 2002, we were behind Senegal after the elimination of Nigeria and Cameroon. This year, a Senegalese woman invented a story to disrupt our ultimate weapon.’
Let’s get this straight.
So Cameroon losing all three group games was solely down to that, er, ‘accusation’?
Yeah, and England will still win this year’s World Cup.
Jesus, you’re beyond saving!
Maybe it was because of the football whipping, maybe it was because of the baking weather or maybe it was down to a case of one pint too much.
Or maybe it was a case of working too many long shifts back to back.
Nurse Alex Cotton reckons she has received a sign from God after the face of Jesus appeared on her drainpipe. According to her, she was relaxing in her garden when she sighted the creosote stain.
‘God knows why he chose my drainpipe to appear on but I hope this won’t mean floods of pilgrims flocking to my house after this,’ she said, contradicting herself by cheekily inviting the Pope to pop round to her Coventry home to bless it when he visits the Midlands in September.
What are the men in white coats waiting for?
Same old, same old…The year must have been 1996 or so but the issue at hand was an interview by Sheriff Bojang in his weekly In The Spotlight column of the Weekend Observer. The guest under the spotlight that weekend was Lamin Waa Juwara and Bojang wrapped up his intro with these words: ‘Jangjangbureh didn’t rob a dime off him.’ That was what clicked into my head when I saw these two photos of my dad in court. He may look pensive in both shots but the look on his face is one I’ve seen before and very familiar with. Prison hasn’t aged him, unless these photos are doctored, and it definitely hasn’t broken him. He looks almost the same like when I last saw him two years ago save the headful of hair. He looked tired but so would anyone in that situation, I reckon. Still, it was an immense relief to see him looking well despite the circumstances after a bout of malaria.
To borrow a leaf from a fellow son of ink’s book, prison hasn’t robbed a dime from my dad.
It continues not to add up…
For those following the coup trial of Lang Tombong Tamba, we have seen evidence after evidence presented by the state not standing up. They tried tying him up with the 2006 coup, fully forgetting or not giving a toss that he helped foiled that very coup four years ago.
Now we have The Gambian government demanding the death penalty for Tamba and co. In a trial with the evidence all over the place like the England defense, this takes the last biscuit in the tin.
Fellow columnist PK Jarju took the words from my laptop when he wrote: ‘the charges are an insult to the intelligence of the Gambian people…a mockery of our judicial system and a waste of time and resources.’
I couldn’t have said it any better.
He’ll Kop you the Europa League
Roy Hodgson was appointed Liverpool manager this week, much to the consternation of Liverpool fans I know who obviously wanted a more exotic-sounding manager. One told me Frank Rijkaard would have been a better signing and another was of the mindset Kenny Dalglish should have been re-appointed manager. If one thing Liverpool fans love is digging into the past and firmly ensconcing there. If they could just step back into the present, they will know that there’s no Champions League football at Anfield next season but Europa League meetings. Moreover, Hodgson took Fulham to last season’s Europa League final. Thus, with better players and a much heftier transfer kitty, he could win them what was once known as the UEFA Cup.
In other words, they’ve stepped down a level and appointed a boss who’s mastered that level.
Really, I can’t see what the fuss is all about.
Bad hair day…I live and swear by thriller novels, preferably a James Patterson one. A good chunk of black women live and swear by… their weave extensions, which does their own hair no favours.
This week, a photo of model Naomi Campbell on a photo shoot in New York caught her at a bad angle. A clearly bald patch on the side of her head after a light wind lifted her extensions was revealed. What are the odds she is bald all over?
Experts (there are experts for everything) say her ‘condition’ is called ‘traction alopecia,’ which is triggered by wigs and extensions irritating the scalp.
Beyonce, Alexander Burke and all women rocking borrowed hair, take note.
On a trivial note, I feel good knowing I have more hair on my head than one of the most beautiful women in the world.
A true Gambian indeed…
The year was 1994 and I was on my knees, the hard concrete digging into me, the sun refusing to spare me and perspiration running down my face. I was trying not to return the cold stare from the short, bushy-browed man a few feet away. I did what I always do when I got nothing to do-gnaw my nails.
‘Stop biting your fingers,’ the bushy-browed man croaked at me. ‘It is a form of animalism.’
I had been rooted out for talking during assembly by Father Murphy who ordered me to kneel down for all to see.
Five years later, he taught me Bible knowledge, two years later I returned to interview him for my column Portrait. I don’t have a copy of that interview but I remember the first and last questions like I remember my own name.
Me: What made you enter priesthood?
Fr. Murphy: I don’t have the foggiest idea.
Last question.
Me: If you do pass, where would you like to be laid to rest?
Fr Murphy: I don’t know as I will be looking at it from above!
I read in The Point newspaper this week that, after 30 years of selfless service, Fr. Matthias Murphy would be retiring and would live in Lamin.
I pity the next batch of students at Saints who would never get to know and be taught by this feisty Irishman. He got wicked humour to boot, too. When we were in grade 9 and about to sit our exams for high school, he came into the class, wished us good luck, said he will see some of us next academic year and some of us would move to other high schools.
But, he warned, there is only one high school we can’t get into.
Which one, we wondered?
Saint Joseph’s High School, he replied and exited as we burst into laughter. For those not in the know, Saint Joseph is an all-girls school and Saint Augustine’s is an all-boys high school. Who could forget his speech day jokes too? One I remember was of this man who died and was buried with his mobile phone. Another guy said they have been calling him but to no avail. ‘Oh, he died,’ the dead man’s brother replied. ‘But if he answers his phone, let me know!’
The guy is gutsy personified too. He confronted the armed soldiers who cascaded into the school during April 10th 2000 student demonstration armed with…nothing. Fr. Murphy was the only teacher who calls me by my Christian name Ingram despite me putting Olufemi to the fore.
I can write about this Gambian-by-arrival all day if given the chance. We should just be grateful he has retired, taught so many of us and chose to live out the rest of his years among us.
A true Gambian indeed.
Hahatai...
In a past issue of this column, I wrote of a dearth of humor in Gambian newspapers. In this semi column aptly named Hahatai, I will try and play my quota in making you lip curl of humour that I read of, I heard of and those I have been told.
I will kick with one from my dad. I left The Gambia on a Tuesday for the UK and didn’t call him till on a Friday. I explained I was in the countryside and couldn’t get a phone card.
‘I know you arrived safely,’ he replied. ‘There was no plane crash!’
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Comments
But in life.. you have a distinct advantage in everything you do... if you have a plan.
Tomorrows game could be the best final ever...I really wish the best for Holland.I would trade...10 years of my life to be one of those players tomorrow.
For it is what life is all about.
The beautiful game...of plans.
winning is everthing.Good Luck !!!
I had put a quid on SPain to winn 1-0 as a back up as paul the octupus says Spain will win. I will put a fiver on us hoping he will get it wrong this time. No, i dont think it wil go to extra time. I'm thinking a goal in the second half by Sneijder wil do the trick..fingers crossed
Had my first Big Mac in Amsterdam.{laugh}
Been adicted ever since.
We Brits abroad are funny???
Yeh! Van Bronkhorst is the mannnnnnnnn.
If it will make you happy I will support Holland and hang the cost...Mind you I wish I'd put £500 on Spain at 7-1
Right now i'd be sweating. Lol
God forbid it goes to penalties?
Lol at u legging it out of a gay bar, Yeah, Amsterdam is liberal like that.
Well, we looking to ditch the bridesmaids tag this weekend..this is Van Bronkhurst last ever game and he needs to exit it on a higher high.
How many fivers in my life did I leave in my jeans in the washing machine...then spend hours with an iron..trying to smooth them out?
I would gladly take a "hit" on my fortune if Holland were to win...forever the bridesmades..of the WC.
God Bless em. Amsterdam is my favourite City... in the world. I was particularly interested in the area around the ship inn? Where I spent many a fine evening window shopping?{smiles devilishly}
Recall not understanding Dutch..and walked into a bar....called the galife.?
Only to find strange men dressed as women.
I rechecked the sign and it said,
Gay Life.
Opps...and ran for my life.
Laugh !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im putting a fiver on Holland if Paul the octopus says so. If i got a spare, i would put one each way :)
Jerre jeff.
Thats called spreading your investment portfolio. I stand to win £35 if Spain wins...which they will.
I'm smarter than the average bear..Yogi?
Four !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!
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