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DUGANAFI GAENANA FALAEH with Femi Peters Jr. (Chelsea)
Tuesday, 08 February 2011 22:58
In this edition of Duganafi Gaenana Falaeh, Mr. Peters tells off a Catholic priest, blasts TFL, asks for help on a ‘scam’
mystery, urges Mubarak to step down, points out some, er, weird surnames, a yet-to-be-born Londoner doing a very London thing and...Hahatai.Shut your gob, old man!
I love Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi. He is too flash for a politician whose only crime, in my opinion, is living it up. At the grand old age of 74. If I live to be his age and throw the kind of parties he threw, I think I would have found excitement at the home stretch part of my life. It will be fool hardy of me to pass judgment on him for having allegedly slept with a 17 year old. Innocent...you know the rest.
Imagine my surprise when I read the papers last week that Cardinal Angelo Bagnasco spoke out against the embattled PM, citing his ‘horror’ at the call girl scandal and stating ‘those in office require personal discipline.’
The nerve of this old man!
Surely, I wasn’t the only person who read that and went (insert your choice of polite words here).
What next, the BNP accusing Ron Atkinson of racism?
Bagnasco, part of the Catholic Church, whose priests have done despicable things to young boys over the years, scarring and traumatizing lives forever, should have been the last person to give his two cents on moral values. He could do a whole lot worse than round up all Catholic priests and tell them, ‘those in office require personal discipline.’
What really irks me is not one priest has been jailed for child molestation. If you ask me, the needle, chamber and noose is too good for these lower-than-a-snake-belly-apologies-for-humans.
I admit I’m a church going sinner. For what it is worth, I even sin in church. But if sins can be categorized, I have never done anything as repulsive as inappropriately touching a boy, stand before a congregation and handle the Good Book as I preach His word.
Bagnaso needs to engage the stuff between his ears first next time before he opens his gob. Do us all a favour and slap yourself, dolt!
What utter waste!
Like I said in some columns back, you would be hard pressed to find a Londoner with good things to say about Transport for London, unless they are TFL employees.
Last week, the body does itself no favours when it emerged that it spent close to a million pounds, £933, 000 to be precise, last year on hiring people to report on the train service, station ‘ambience’ (whatever the blazes that is) and knowledge and helpfulness of staff.
£933, 000 to know how its touch-and-go services are perceived by commuting Londoners? You couldn’t make it up.
Val Shawcross, Labour’s transport spokeswoman for the London Assembly took the words right out of my mouth when she said, ‘all they need to do to understand what is going wrong with the tube is to ask real passengers.’
The TaxPayers Alliance couldn’t have put it better when it said, ‘these costs are borne by tax payers and passengers. It is absurd to pay mystery shoppers when London Underground could be listening to real customers with real problems.’
TFL came up with nothing smart in its defence by stating that the amount spent is a small fraction of the body’s annual £9bn budget ‘as they are an important part in ensuring we deliver the best possible value for fare payers and taxpayers money.’
If TFL really want a ‘best possible value’ on their services, they could have done worse than interrupt my reading on a London bus and I will tell them, for absolutely free, to freeze fares, improve services and come up with a loyalty scheme ala Tesco club card points in which commuters Oyster cards are topped up with £1.50 every time they buy a weekly train or bus fare, £5 for a monthly and £40 for a annual one.
Do this and I can assure you you will soon see lots of Londoners attired in I LOVE TFL T-shirts.
Sadly, the Boris-helmed body won’t and it is still the body all Londoners love to loathe with a passion. And with good reason.
Scam or not?
I’m not ashamed to tell you all I’m not intelligent at all. Nor I’m I clever or mind numbingly stupid. I get by, I’m proud to state. I know the basic things in life like looking both ways before you cross the road, knowing when or not to run for a London bus, loving those who love you and hating those who don’t and never to leave a James Patterson novel on the shelf as it won’t be there come tomorrow.
Just basic things like that.
What I’m trying to say is I need help in cracking a scam that, as far as I could delve into it, is nothing but a ‘scam.’
Victoria Witlock is a columnist for the Evening Standard who rents out properties in South London. I always look forward to her write ups as she has a witty style of putting words together that makes you picture what she is putting across.
Last week, she wrote how she put up a room for rent and a Nigerian cited interest in the aforementioned room for his daughter who would be coming over from Lagos for university.
Since he wasn’t travelling with a cheque book, he would get a friend to write her a cheque for six months rent and add an extra £2, 000 on top. When the cheque clears, she (Whitlock) should send the £2, 000 to the guy’s daughter so she can buy her air fare to London.
Whitlock, not your typical gullible Englishwoman, sniffed a colony of rats and chose not to do business with the guy.
Now, all I read is crime fiction, suspense, thriller and mystery novels which is why I’m yet to read A Living Mirror, the autobiography about slain journalist Deyda Hydara, which my dad bought me years back and autographed by D.A Jawo. Despite reading enough mystery novels to last a life time, I can’t figure out the scam Whitlock sussed out. All she has to do was put the cheque in her account, if it bounces; it bounces and then gets mailed to her and she rents the room to someone else. A pal of mine I turned to for help stated that the guy wants her account number which I doubted as she doesn’t have to give it out. Or did Whitlock put together 419 and Nigerian and came up with scam?
An online fraud expert stated scammers are getting better by the day but I can’t see any scam in here. I straight delete any email that has ‘please read urgently and reply’ as its subject.
Like I said before, I’m no Einstein and definitely no Sherlock Holmes. If any readers out there can sniff out what Whitlock sniffed out, please educate me. I’ve spent the best part of last week unsuccessfully cracking this ‘mystery’ hence me putting it here.
Just go, Mubarak.
Doesn’t it seem like someone just woke up and said, ‘right, people of Tunisia, Yemen and Egypt, take to the streets and urge your respective leaders to relinquish power.’Ben Ali has fled Tunisia, Yemen president Ali Abdullah Saleh has promised not to seek another term in office but Mubarak, at the time of writing this, is still clinging onto power, despite stating he is ‘fed up’ with power but stepping down would only bring chaos to Egypt. Chaos? Sir, your country is in a state of turmoil and the death toll rises daily. You could do worse than hand over power to a temporary government before more Egyptian lives are needlessly lost. After 62 years in public office, surely you want to put your feet up and take it easy at 82 rather than attempting to run a country whose people are sick to the back teeth of you?
Hosni, hoist it out of power. Now.
What’s in a surname?
A relative once pointed out my mum and I are the only people he knows that take notice of people’s surnames. Well, if they have strange surnames, to put it mildly, you can’t help but notice. Mum once told me there’s a woman at work called Mrs Drinkwater and another she met called Cakebread. You get the feeling these guys just got up one day and went, ‘I’m going to adorn myself with a surname you can’t help but remember.’
I used to work at Twickenham Stadium and one of the directors was called Richard Gambling. Did he frequent the bookies so much to get his last name? How about Ed Balls or Julian Dicks. I won’t dilate on these two as this is a family friendly media outlet. Some South African lady I read about years ago has Sithole for a surname. All she is missing is an H between the S and I and she would have the most ridiculous surname of all time.
A church member of mine is called Julian Gotobed. I bet his parents were so fed of him not hitting the sheets after dinner they were like, ‘right, Julian, you might as well have go to bed as a surname as you’ve heard it often!’
My favourite lip curling surname is Diamond. With a surname like that, you have to be raking it in by the millions.
Ask Bob Diamond. When he steps out with his wife and kids, I can picture his neighbours saying to themselves, ‘there goes the Diamonds and they are worth millions!’
Run for it!
The other day, I was at the bus stop on Liverpool Street waiting for my bus when another pulled up. The doors opened and out shot two kids, both about knee high, so they must be less than four years old or so. They scurried as fast as their short legs could move them for the next bus that just pulled up behind the one they got off on, their mum still negotiating a buggy out of the bus.
By getting to the bus, the kids not only held it up for their mum as no bus driver would pull off with two U-5’s with no adult in tow.
These kids were doing what every Londoner does on a daily basis: sprint for a bus. What was side splitting about the whole scenario was they weren’t even born yet but have already mastered a very London thing.
Who says parents aren’t teaching their off springs any good these days, eh?
Where do I apply?
Much was made in the news of a rat going about its business outside the world’s most famous front door that officials in 10 Downing Street are considering hiring a cat to pounce, pun intended, on the problem. Pity they didn’t state where one could apply for a feline job. As I write this, Disney is napping behind my seat, waiting for me to have my dinner so she could get a few morsels thrown at her. With a full time job rat-ridding at a posh Central London address, she will be kept busy and my household in the money.
Every little helps is Tesco’s catchphrase. Even if it comes from a cat, I hasten to add.
Hahatai...
Read this in the ‘overheard word’ section of the Hackney Citizen, a free monthly paper of a father telling his little girl in Victoria Park, ‘don’t lick the door. Girls don’t lick doors...’
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Comments
London is the laughter capital of the world.
Where else do they have a Parliament that conducts wars....with redundant pilots, sailors, and army personel.
If the Taliban don't get you....the redundancy notice will..?
Lets all emigrate to juku juku land.
Thank you very much for the good humor. Laughter is good for the soul.
Was born and brought up a Catholic boy.
His movement away from Rome, to create The Church of England...for personal and marital reasons...actually and ironically, allowed England to engage much political and religious freedom.
I View Good Queen Katherines castle from my bedroom window each morning.
King Henry did many good things and many bad things.
Whilst his ladies were known to lose there heads... occaisionally, he died of syphilis and gonerea and other Nasties.
Hence a condomn would have been a valuable addition to his gendre.
Katherine..a stout Northern lass, out lived him.
I have had 4 wives....two Catholic 1 Anglican and 1 Methodist.
All good mothers and daughters and wives.
Life is its own educator...and travel a changing field of operation and missadventure.
I always knew that Campama is a total failure.... they released vicious mad men into our communities. These crazies are attacking Anglicans, Methodist, homosexuals, and suspected Nigerians...Their cured patients will soon start jumping on the "Daddy kamas" and "cha'low bana banas." Nowadays, it is not uncommon to hear of these madmen setting their parents alight.
BTW, the world bank and NGOs have a lot to do with educating intellectual midgets and treating mentally challenged people...
Be Well,
Prince
The kind intellectual poverty some of u display here is way beyond anything the world bank, NGOs and UNICEF combined can handle. Sadly, folks like you continue breed and vote.
What does your bowing to Rome, Mecca or Jerusalem have to do with this article?
@Femi, what's up with the long hiatus? Write now!
Why do you always come on here and write bollocks anyway Femi? I'm sick of reading the unstructured, incoherent crap you come up with. Casse-toi!
We Have some excentric english who name there children after football teams..
Bobby, Nobby, Alan, Gorden , Geoff, Etc.
Etc. Etc.......Smith.
Englands winning world cup team? 1966
In the unlikely event that Chelsea ever win another trophy this decade...
Maybe Femi...will follow with this >>>
Hahahahaha.
Come on you Reds......
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